Silent Cry

I cut myself sometimes. I don’t know why exactly. I can’t help it. When I feel sad or overwhelmed or something, I just take a razor and do it. I don’t really think about it. Sometimes I don’t even realize what I’ve done till I look down and see blood on my arm.

Jeff just dumped me. I really loved him. I don’t know why people think that people like me at 15 can’t love someone else deeply. I went into the bathroom today and started thinking about Jeff and wondering why he doesn’t still love me after I gave myself totally to him. Next thing I knew, I had done it. I cut myself, I mean.

My mom didn’t even ask me why I had a bandage on my arm. Both of my parents are so clueless. Sometimes I just want to scream, “Look at me! Look at what I’ve done!” But I don’t think they’d care. They’re so wrapped up in their own lives. Moms too busy working. Dads got a new girlfriend—a different one from the one he had when my mom filed for divorce. (I live with my mom.)

My friend Rain saw the cuts on my arm and asked me about them. (I’m still amazed that she did. I had on a long sleeved shirt.) She goes to my church, and I wondered if I should tell her that I’m always worried. I don’t know if she’d understand. I just don’t know what to do.

-Daray, age 15

I read this and it reminded me of when I was younger. I felt like my parents were so caught up in their lives that I even wondered if they cared. I wanted to hurt myself, just to see if any person would ask me how I was. I wrote a poem based on these feelings. This poem pretty much sums up how kids, teens, even adults, feel today.

Do people take the time to see

Who I really wanna be

Or are they too busy lookin on e-bay

They never listen to what I say

Lookin for something new

Until they see me sitting at a pew

As I was praying I began to cry

But, the funny part is they proceeded to walk by

As I continued to pray

I wondered and I wondered what to say

Or even how much I would have to pay

Too see if God would be my hero some day

----Cassandra Falun, age 16

Even a devoted follower of Christ could have a silent cry, they just don’t know what to say or even wonder if people would listen to what they had to say. It isn’t just awareness for parents it’s for everyone. We as ourselves, as a community, as the world, need to listen to what everyone has to say… no matter where they stay or where they are from. We were sent here by God and we need to accept who God made and meet who our brothers and sisters are. Everyone is unique. Everyone needs help in some sort of way. Be the difference, it is up to you and me to start the trend.

Do everything for the better of the world.

Make a difference in your life and in others.

If it is to be, it is up to you and me.

Are you the difference?

Love Always and Forever,

Cassandra Falun