Graduation

Wow!
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I can't believe I did it.
I went from being in Kindergarten and saying, "I can't wait till I'm done school!", and now I am a Graduated student of 2011 saying, "What do I do now?!". All these school years have gone by, the good times and the bad, crying and laughter, fighting and playing, obeying and disobeying (I was good at the second one o:) . No matter all the struggles I know I got through it by fighting and being determined to finish what I started, to see my future start to unfold.
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I did it!
Now I am just going and looking for a full time day job, just so I can relax for a year or two before I go straight into school. Maybe I will have a better thought on what I really want to do, something that shows who -I- am.
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Hope everyone has had a fantastic summer and good luck to the parents out there that are sending their kids back into school.
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Love yall!
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...:::Cassandra Falun:::... :)

Everything Has Changed

Everything has changed,

I feel empty inside.

The love I have for him was discovered,

I miss him so much!

The days we spent together were a blast.

I will never forget his smile,

The never ending laughter from his jokes,

I will love him forever!

My bro will always have the key to my heart.

Everyday I wake up

And I still can’t believe he is gone.

My bro,

My best friend,

The guy I miss fighting with,

Chillin with,

I miss his personality,

Overall I just want him back!

Without him,

My life is just not the same.

But,

I know God has a plan for him

And I knew that one day he’d leave.

Just wishing in my heart that is wasn’t so far away.

He has always been there for me,

But he’s my bro,

And I know he will never leave my side.

I love ya big bro! ♥ -xo- ♥

Love Always and Forever,

Cassandra Falun

Bits and Pieces

~You may fight with your sibling but when they move away you will miss them more that anything in the world!

What About Him Or Her?

Another day
I sit here thinking I am in more pain
The medical things I go through
But, no hope stands because they don't have money for a cure
We have the freedom
What about him or her?
His mind is filled with gory thoughts
What we find is normal
That normal is not normal for him
The pictures he drew,
Unbelievable.
Completely blowing my mind away.
And she, she was left behind to die
Her family couldn't afford her
As she hides under a table abandoned
Just skin and bones.
At the age of five she couldn't fend for herself,
She was just expected to die.
This is not a story 'bout him or her
It is about a person who is hurting deep inside.
Why are we just standing here?
The capability we have to help
But, the labels given to one another set us apart.
We are all human,
Unique in our own way.
The greed society has,
We binge
Our wardrobes are endless.
But what about him or her?
They are stuck with nothing,
Not even a family that loves them.
Don't let your hearts turn cold
It's cowardly to only think of ourselves
But, we can set them free,
Just with our love.
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~~By: Cassandra Siemens 2011
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I support a little boy and a little girl, they are actually fortunate to have a family, but the fact of the matter is, is what are we doing with our money?
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If there is a poor man among you, one of you brothers, in any of the towns of the land which the LORD your God is giving you, you shall not harden your heart, nor close your hand to your poor brother; but you shall freely open your hand to him, and generously lend him sufficient for his need in whatever he lacks. ~ Deuteronomy 15:7
~~These attitudes are a world away from God's attitudes, as described in many verses in the Bible. Neediness arouses compassion in God-- and action. We may think: "Of course God loves the poor; he loves everybody." But it's not so simple as that; God's character is presented as a model for our own. If God values the poor, we have to think about what that means for us.

Cassandra Falun

Wake-Up Call

-- My father was rushed into emergency this mornin, I had a wake-up call. You know we get so caught up in all the commercial things and what are we gunna get outta Christmas. Really? My wake-up call showed me that we need to be thankful for what we already have! God blessed us with a family that is beyond beautiful! On the way to the hospital all I kept sayin is I cant lose my father, I cant lose my father. After many hours in the hospital we were thankful to hear that he only has a viral infection in the chest area... I dont know how to explain it, but thank God that he did not have a heart attack or a stroke or anything more serious. Yes he may be in pain, but he is home! God is good.
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*It Is Well With My Soul*
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We get so caught up in the commercial things, but look at the word Christmas. Christ-Mas . We have forgotten all about the true meanin of Christmas, the birth of Jesus Christ.
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Great Commandment- Matthew 22:37-39 (NLT)

• 'You must love the Lord your God with all your hear, all your soul, and all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'

Great Compassion- Matthew 25:44-45 (NLT)

• The they will reply, 'Lord, when did we ever see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and not help you?' And he will answer, 'I assure you, when you refused to help the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were refusing to help me.'

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-Us not helpin out the poor or helpin out someone who asks kindly and you are free, you are refusin to help the Lord our God.
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Great Commission- Matthew 28:18-20 (NLT)

• Jesus came and told his disciples, "I have been given complete authority in heaven and on earth. Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Teach these new disciples to obey all the new commands I have given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age."

Jesus Christ came to the earth for us to know these things, to show these things and to do these things.

• You can pray
• You can give
• You can go

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I want to tell you one story.
-- Our Church's Children Ministry Leader went out just this past weekend to go get a nativity scene for the kids room, so that she could show them a model of Jesus Christ in a manger. She went all over the place and she decided well I'm gunna go to the Bay the Bay never lets me down. She went to the Christmas section she couldn't find one. So she went and found one of the ladies and asked her to you guys have a nativity scene? The lady looked at her and said what is that? Our Ministry Leader tried explainin it to her and she is like how do you spell that? ... She was goin to look it up in the computer.
-- You know there is one good example of how we are tryin to preach the word of God everywhere else except locally. This is what we were sent here to do. These people need to know who this wonderful creator is, the one who created their beautiful faces, the gorgeous flowers that bloom in the summer time, that created every single creature, the creator of the Universe! Someone along the way helped us. Now it's our turn to help someone else.
-- Have you realized that a Christmas gift can just be someone who gets saved by the Lord? Gifts mean nothin. Family means everythin! Wake-Up! It's our wake-up call. Just open those gorgeous eyes and see that you aren't in need for that new jacket, new pants, iPad, etc. some of those people don't have a shelter, clothing, shoes, food or even someone to love them. We can be that one.
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*To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world*
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Merry Christmas,
Cassandra Falun

New

Was at youth today and broke down and couldn't stop cryin my friend heard me out. She has gone through so much more than me her bro has been in jail her parents are drunks... she was so strong. She said to me, "You are strong, I know that you aren't lost you just think you are, you're makin yourself weak and that happy you is still inside you." This is my last year to tend youth and another youth member came up to me and told me, " You better be a leader next year! You're my favorite!"
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That smile that I put on my face that I feel like I just put on for show, its helped me realize that it's me not givin up. Even through the struggles I saw positives today and had people just come to me and say I just have a feeling to pray for you. Thanks for your prayers.
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With Love,
Cassandra Falun

Battlefield

~You have to go through the storm before you see the rainbow~

I love this quote because it’s so true, sometimes the storm is just harder than you think it will be.

See this is stuff that goes through my mind no matter what I say or my opinion on things is nobody tends to listen, so I never have talked to my parents ‘bout the majority of this.

It seems like a never endin battle. I don't know where to go anymore. I get told “Ask God! Ask God!” I ask questions, but I get sent back to square one every time I am even close to succeedin. I struggle a lot, I almost wish I could have found Jesus on my own and not grown up knowin him... because I question was it me that made a decision to be a Christian or is it just a habit because I am followin what I grew up knowin.

I have examined myself and realized I don't really act like a Christian I know its because I feel like I have just been followin someone else footsteps and not takin my own. So, I am tryin to figure my life out... the story goes on.

"I thought I would never question everything that I know, never thought I would have trouble findin my way back to you. Well I have searched and I have found that there is nowhere to run to, there is nothin to hold onto there is nothin I can do..." --Amanda Falk

I am in a never endin battle, but I am still here and still standin. I am tryin, just sometimes I don't know where to start. My life is a mess.

I went away one weekend to my gf's place (one of my friends who just had a baby girl), well I consider her family; my second family. Her five year old boy (I have been there since he was born) ran into my arms and told me he loved me and that I was the best in the whole wide world. I just wanted to cry. I didn't though ‘cause I didn't want him to ask me what was wrong. I feel so invisible out here. I feel like my parents just had me as a child to be a slave... I don’t feel appreciated. I do something for them, they don’t say anythin except ask who did it then they go into the kitchen... oh Cassandra supper isn’t made! Well how many times do I pay for your suppers how many times have I made you supper how many times have I bought groceries, where is Brandon he can pull out a cook book. Plus I had to pay my school fees because my parents can’t afford everything. I never get recognized. Invisible. I rarely get told "I love you Cassandra for you!" or "Thank you! I appreciate that"... unless I tell them I love them. But I don’t wanna say it anymore. I am done. I have no money saved up... I help my rents out more than anything. My brother he has loads of money saved... who gets noticed? him. I am just used. That’s how I feel anyways.

My brother treats me like I am a piece of crap. He makes fun of my disability and won’t help me out unless my parents make him. The worst thing is, is that he imitates it. He thinks he can tell me what to do. He yells at me, says I am worthless makes me feel like I am the tiniest thing on the face of the planet earth! He blames me for getting epilepsy and blames me for things he did wrong. He is 18. You know how hard that is to hear that from an older siblin that you have looked up to since you were little? It is the hardest thing you could ever imagine. But, yet when that semi hit him and I realized I could have lost him that day... I realized how much I still loved and cared bout him.

You know my medical stuff it is sooo stressful!!! I am in and out of the hospital all of the time!! I am sick and tired of it! I will be for the rest of my life. I hate doctors, there might be somethin combined with my epilepsy that is why they can’t get rid of all the symptoms and I am the one takin all this crap. I have to prick my finger 4 times a day. I am the one who is depressed all the time. I am the one who has to try and keep my life together. I am the one. I am the one. I am the one! I am tired of my parents naggin voices oh this will help and all this stuff. I just wish they could walk a million miles in my shoes and take all the meds I have taken and see how hard it is... especially my Dad who hates doctors and has never seen a doctor/dentist/nothin since he left home.

School. I know this semester is easy for me because I only have 3 classes but it is still hard! I am always drug down. The guy that led me on and screwed me over in the long run still likes me but is datin chicks to try and make me jealous. Ya I like him but I am sorry he is a player, I am not gunna date a guy that is gunna waste my time. Sports season is the only thing I look forward to. All the sports I can play and the sports I love to watch on TV. But still I am soooo confused! My life is a puzzle and the pieces dont fit together. I cant be like Patrick on Sponge Bob Square Pants and glue em together. The lies, the back stabbin, etc. I know will never end... it will prepare me for the real world but I hit the real world at 14, its called reality. I get judged for who I am, I want them to walk in my shoes and they can see how strong I have been to get this far. I have no friends out here... no literally.

I feel so invisible. I always have to say somethin to be noticed. I never get asked to hang out, because I don't really have anyone. You know I tried to commit suicide when I was younger... and that I also slit my wrists?! I thought it would take everything away! It can’t. You know if I really wanted to be dead right now all I would have to do is refuse to take my medication for several days. It’s that easy. But, when you always take the easy route you miss the adventures of the hard route. I know that even though I am strugglin in my faith God has a purpose for me.

I want a different school I want a different place to live I want a different life! I look at everyone else and their lives are fine, their dreams are comin true, they have everythin I have ever wanted. I am stuck with everythin. I had to get the braces; I had to get the glasses/ now I have cateracs and need surgery; I had to get the epilepsy; I had to get the joys of no friends; I am not allowed to have a drivers (at the moment); I got physically/mentally/emotionally abused; etc... its me me and me again. I have come to the conclusion that my brother is perfect. He has nothin to worry about he can fly thru and go ahead with his future plans as for me... I can't go anywhere without a drivers and coverage on my medical supplies. Without a medical plan it costs around $1000/month. It blows my mind. I live with the pain everyday wonderin and thinkin am I gunna die today?!

Love,

Cassandra Falun

Complications

--I am very sorry that I have not written in a very long time. I have been struggling a lot in my own life with my health and even with my faith. I don't think it is right of me to write something on my blog when there are times I doubt it at the moment. I still call myself a Christian, just have a big struggle. I am still having troubles with my family, I feel like I am slipping away from them. There are many things that are just not in the right place, but life isn't supposed to be easy. I know God has a plan for me it is just hard for me to see I guess. I am just going into grade 12 and I am really hoping that none of this will get in way of my school work and keep my head in the game. Prayers would be greatly appreciated.
--As for all of you I am hoping all is going well. This long weekend is nice to just get away from everything. Wishing you all the best and remember you guys are all beautiful inside and out!!

----Love Always and Forever----
-------Cassandra Falun <3-------